The advice I’d been given if I got nervous was to picture the audience naked. No help at all. At first I felt like I was a hoedown caller at the world’s most ordered and polite orgy, all those naked bodies sitting in rows awaiting instructions. Then I started examining the crowd, there were some good looking ladies sitting naked in my imagination leading me to visibly awkward thoughts.
What advice do they give to public speakers at nudist conventions?
Then I remember my greatest fear of public speaking. Other people speaking. God it’s tedious! Not just corporate but wedding speeches, lord they make me squirm.
I’d much rather be up here, heart racing , stewing in my own sweat, than down there listening to me like those suckers. Either you’re fighting to stay awake, head nodding, unable to battle the sweet siren call of sleep or you’re driven insane by banal, pointless drivel, which if you’re especially unlucky is peppered with “safe” workplace jokes. And social speeches! Those jokes are no longer safe and just make you want to hide. Much better be the one up here speaking.
“Good morning, my name is Anxious and I’m a sex addict.”
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