Instalment One Hundred and Fifty Nine

Really it’s too fancy to call it a Time Machine, that’s a big call, claiming I invented a Time Machine. You couldn’t just go willy-nilly back and forth. Think of it as a bread crumb trail, not from A to B but from 1 to 2, or more impressively from 2 back to 1. That is all it could do.

But you had to start the bread crumbs, constantly dropping them unbroken in the same spot up until you want to go back to when you started dropping crumbs.

A path through time. Fantastic and fantastical limited.

Shit it pissed people off.

“Couldn't you invent a good time machine?”
“I’m gonna go back to a time I wasn’t massively disappointed by this huge piece of crap.”

Like I owed them something more . Until businesses started up. Creating breadcrumb trails, the longer the trail the greater the cost.
 Only they went broke because when people fixed something in the past they didn’t need to use the service in the present.

All in all it was just easier to try and get your life right the first time around, which is why you’ve not heard of me inventing a Time Machine.

Instalment One Hundred and Fifty Eight

There was a time when I couldn’t wait till the end of the week. I loved working five days because those five days led to the best night of the week. It was our night, my girl and I. Date Night.
Look after her I did, fine wine and wine dinning, drinks and dancing, we painted the town red every god damn Friday night. 

Young and in love. We couldn’t get enough of each other. I would fly through the week, bulletproof, just to get to those precious hours. You only get 52 of ‘em in a year, they can’t be wasted.

Glory days they were.

It’s more of a battle now, the days are longer but less time to rest. By the time I reach Friday it’s all i can do to make it onto the couch. Same goes for her. Both exhausted. But still in love. Just tired. So very tired. Friday could no longer push us out the door. But we still put aside one night a month, to relive old times. Not so big, not so bold, baby sitter booked in advance.

And that is how the night after Friday got its name. Sadder Date Night.

Instalment One Hundred and Fifty Seven

She had to break up with Apostrophe, he was too possessive. And so Full Stop put an end to their relationship, it was over, period.

“You always do this, don’t you know?” her girlfriend Question asked. 

“Don’t you see how you are always looking for the smallest fault to use as a reason to escape from all these guys?”

“You said it yourself last time, you said “I can’t keep finding an excuse to finish things off,” that’s what you said,” declared Quote.

Their Sunday brunches were always like this.

Which is why they were so taken back when Full Stop got back together with Exclamation, who she had dumped a year ago.

“This is not like you at all, are you feeling okay?”

“Don’t you remember telling us you were “tired of all the surprises”?”

They were right in their incessant interrogations and recitations, it never lasted, she killed it off quick smart.

But then she found one, one she couldn’t quite find a way to bring to an end. He wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“You’re in love right?”

“You said I could be Maid of Honour, you promised.”

Full Stop and Ellipsis just were too alike...

Instalment One Hundred and Fifty Six

Your vote will be determined for you, based on your answers.
I would rather watch an action movie than a romantic comedy.
Strongly Disagree. Disagree. Neutral. Agree. Strongly Agree.

100s of questions flashing past. Democracy failed. People couldn’t be bothered learning about issues and started ‘going with their gut.’ Votes followed whoever scared the public the most recently. So you could no longer vote for who you wanted to vote for, your answers voted for you. Answers chose who you’d vote for better than you would.

I like to be surrounded by people.
Strongly Disagree. Disagree. Neutral. Agree. Strongly Agree.

People were outraged, but given the opportunity to vote against it, their answers showed deep down they were happy to shrug off their responsibility of choice. So they did. The test didn’t even tell you your result.

“I strongly agree that I seldom worry about things beyond my control.  Do you?” Candidates soon realised even they wouldn’t vote for themselves and they might be campaigning for the other guy. All election advertising stopped.

I often phone friends just for a chat.

Personality beat Substance in a landslide everytime, and was a foolish and callow leader. The answer to our answers.

Instalment One Hundred and Fifty Five

“If you thought about eating meat for too long you’d stop doing it!” her father joked from the barbecue. It was a family tradition going back years, the getting together and the dad joke.

But this time she thought about it, she thought about it for however long too long is. And she stopped eating meat.

So she thought about other things until she had thought about them for however long too long is. In case there were more things to stop doing.

There were.

She thought about cars for too long and never got in one again. Too dangerous.

But you can’t think about things for too long for too long.

Because the next thing she thought about for too long was friends. Friends from school, friends she spent every waking hour with but now couldn’t even find on Facebook. They’d not even met up like they agreed after hearing that Pulp song. Time’s gentle breeze had blown until they drifted apart. Friendships were sorrowful, she thought, so she stopped.

Then she thought about thinking about things for however long too long is for however long too long is. 

So she stopped thinking. Only then did Ignorance find bliss.