Instalment Ten

Missives from the desk of Dr. Samuel Johnson

Dear Sir,

Thank you dearly for your interest in my yet to be completed magnum opus. It’s only through the contributions of fine and scholarly men I have been able to achieve so much in so few years.

So it’s with a heavy heart I inform you that on this occasion I am unable to including you in my forthcoming “Dictionary: A big book of names.”

Not for your lack of breeding or research of the history of your family name, it is just that, I am afraid to say Mr. Bang, that I have already completed the B section of my work. I have however, included a Hindi fellow named Bhang, who seemed awfully fond of some plant he found in the colonies, so chin up, you may even be related.

If you feel you have a legitimate grievance by your omission from my manuscript, please contact a Miss Touchy, whom is also excluded. She is forming an association of complaint with Lady Fuss, calling for a second issue of my work. I see no point, as I am unable to imagine the use of a second edition of my definitive Dictionary.

Fair thee well,

Sam “The Doctor” Johnson

Authors Note
This piece of writing could only be considered to be of vague amusement if you know that Samuel Johnson's dictionary failed to include words such as bang, budge, fuss, gambler, shabby, touchy and also sausage. If are in any way interested in such things, I was pretty happy to find the whole book online, available to download here.