Instalment Sixty Seven

Days of Heaven

The God of Atheists(1) knew that believing in things only led to trouble. And The Management’s misplaced faith in the new “Business Consultant,” who now stalked the hallways, stunk of bad news. First day in the office she’d hung a motivational banner to promote hard work and less chit chat written in big, cheerful, red comic sans on white canvas - There is no humour in Heaven(2). Well there’s bloody not any more, the God of Atheists muttered, I might as well be down there with the damn atheists.

It’s not so bad, the God of Agnostics(3) said consolingly, I think if you two sit down and chat you can come to an agreement, if that’s what you want?

Just pick a stinking side will you! the God of Atheists snapped, you know your trouble… she tailed off as the consultant appeared.

My, how are we all today(4), she asked, don’t you have something to be getting on with(5)?

Well doubting Thomas here and I were just wondering what qualification you need to consult to Heaven, the God of Atheists asked.

MBA, she replied, everyone thinks it’s just a piece of paper but faith in the system repays a thousandfold.

(1) – Of course there is a God of Atheists, it is just the sort of thing that will annoy the bejesus out of them. Their own absolute faith in being smarter than everyone else is what kept him in a job.
(2) – Somewhat missing the point of the original Mark Twain quote, “The secret source of humour itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.” When he saw it, it was reported he shook his head and muttered “All right, then, I'll go to hell.”
(3) – Never sure if he had a job or not, just hung around and tried to be useful, fetch tea and the like, please people, if that’s what they want, it was impossible to tell with some people.
(4) - She was one of those types don’t ask questions so much as make statements, that was how she said hello.
(5) – I told you, statement.