Instalment Twenty One

“Patience is a virtue.”

She couldn’t believe her eyes, so she risked another look.

“Patience is a virtue.”


It was true, right there in front of her, in loopy purple cursive on foolscap paper, the three i’s dotted with love hearts. The note must have been stuffed through the grills of her locker sometime between fourth period and lunch.

Finally she made it, she was one of them, the coolest girls in school – The Virtues. Ruled over by their queen bee Chastity, only six other girls were selected to wear the converted power pink sweater with an embroidered V on the chest. And Patience was now one of them. Her mother Prudence had been a Virtue way back when and had been on Patience’s back about it since freshman year.

Now she would be sitting with Temperance, Charity, Diligence, Compassion and Humility at the lunch table, with Chastity presiding over them.

And the boys! She had always carried a torch for Wrath, a hothead in the schools other gang, The Sins. Chastity’s boyfriend Lust was their leader. There were seven of them too, and they were they type of bad that high-school girls love. Even Virtues. Patience couldn’t wait.

Instalment Twenty

A scientific exploration with the intention to identify the standard deviation.

Honoured guests, fellow scientists,

Today I present to you the findings in my examination of the constant allowances of science, the variations in research we all must endure.

The standard deviation.

There is nothing standard about them, apart from the fact they are always there, always popping up and ruining our lives. How many of you have had your day ruined by a deviant. It always seems like these deviations are individuals, unique in their divergence, but if you see enough of them, if you look close, you see the relationship.

A standard deviant. The standard deviant.

I stand before you today to announce that there is indeed a standard deviant. And I found her.

A verbal exhibitionist. A person that expresses private thoughts in public places. The most common deviation on the planet. A deviation so common it has become average and so normal you don’t notice it.

But behind you in line, on the phone in the supermarket or at the table over at the café, these deviants lurk. Ready to ruin your day with their lives, their unwanted information.

“My boyfriend does this. . . the kids like that. . . “

It stops today.

Thank you.