Instalment Nineteen

I gasp, breathing mostly water. Coughing, unable to see through bleary eyes. I blacked out. I’m naked, it’s raining. Hot, steamy rain, almost tropical. I blink, clearing my vision. On tiles. Mouth over drain. Looking toward the precipitation I understand. I’m on a shower floor, curled tight. Foetal position. It must be Sunday. Another Sunday morning special.

“You alright in there?” comes a voice from past the door. Female, this must be her place. A face comes to me in a flash, sitting at the bar. She said something about being bi, I thought I was good for a threesome. I wasn’t listening, I was distracted by her mouth. The way it hung open, even when she wasn’t talking. It wasn’t attractive. Like a lazy eye, not fully doing its job, but not completely slack jawed, teeth still together. Lazy Lip! That’s what I called her. Oh Lord! I remember now, she said she was bi-polar. Guilt hits my stomach like a punch. I towel off, the door is ajar to the bedroom.

“Are you ready to go again Remorse?” she whispers, her lip returning to its default droop. Why not? I couldn’t hate myself anymore right now anyway.